"The Rock says this: if the Rock hits you, he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours, jabroni!""
- The Rock on WWE RAW
Everyone has an idol. Someone they look up to. Someone they admire perhaps a bit more than they should. From the moment I saw this man...nay, from the moment I heard him verbally abuse one of his "coworkers" up and down an arena...I've been obsessive for the guy. I used to memorize his put-downs and catchphrases so that I could spew them at my friends the very next day. I even dressed up as him for a skit that I performed back when I was on a martial arts demonstration team. (Yes, a martial arts demonstration team. Deal with it.) If there is one single being on this planet that I would want to catch a glimpse of in person, it would be this man. And tonight, I got that chance.
I'm talking of course about The Brahma Bull. The Great One. The People's Champion. I'm talking about THE ROCK.
What's not to like about The Rock? He's witty, charismatic, and can body slam a motherfucker to the ground. Who doesn't want to meet that guy?
As luck would have it, the bus that I take home from work everyday drops me off just in front of the Hollywood subway station, which happens to be on the same stretch of street as The Kodak Theater and El Capitan Theater. Both of these cinemas consistently show big movie premiers. And on this fine day, when I stepped off the bus, I noticed that the huge lights that were flashing were doing so in front of giant posters promoting The Rock's latest Disney flick, Race to Witch Mountain. And as luck would have it, the lights that were flashing were also doing so on Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
I stood across the street from my idol of more than 10 years. He was within a few yards of my own two feet. Smiling, chatting, generally oozing more charisma than I've ever thought of having. And surprisingly enough, there weren't too many people lined up at the barricades to see The Great One arrive. The lines were perhaps two rows deep at their thickest, so I easily merged toward the front to nestle along the barricade. I was literally directly across from him. He was even facing my direction as he talked to the reporters.
At first, I was so starstruck that nothing besides the big dude standing 20 feet away registered with me. After a few moments when this feeling subsided, I realized that to be this close to one of my favorite people in this world was truly a once-in-a-lifetime chance. I had to do something. At first, though, I was too shy. "People will stare at me if I do something to ridiculous," I thought. After this thought passed, I noticed that The Rock was moving down the Red Carpet and out of my direct line of sight. So I moved with him.
Once again, he stopped to do another interview with a different reporter. So I stopped across from where he did, mimicking his location on my side of the street. Again, I had a pristine view of him as I looked directly at my idol. A second chance for me to do something. Anything. "If I don't do this, I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life," I said to myself. So, without giving it a third thought, I tipped my head back and let it flow...
"If ya SMELLLLLLLLLLLL...what The Rock...is cookin!"
His head twitched. He heard. His eyes were now darting over toward my general direction, inspecting the scene. I nodded my head feverishly and let my uncontainable smile do the talking. And then it happened: he cocked his head slightly...and raised the eyebrow. The People's Eyebrow. And without missing a beat, he turned his head back to the reporter and continued talking as if he'd never stopped.
"Unbelievable." "Too cool." "Surreal." "Batshit insane." A lot of words came to mind, but none of them could do the scenario justice. This was a moment that was incapable of being captured by words. It...it completely made my year worth it. Regardless of whatever else has happened or will happen, that will always make me glad that I came out to California. It will be something for me to remember forever.
Finally, Rock, I got to smell what you were cookin'. And ya know what? It smelled pretty good.
The Rock's WWE Theme Song
Be Back Soon,
Shaky Jake
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