Fast Fact #5.

Today celebrates my 3-year commitment to Emily, and hers to me. This is what's known as an anniversary. How she ever put up with my shenanigans for 3 years still remains a mystery.

Spotting the ACTUALLY Famous: Oscar Edition.

"All that you will see is a celebrity.
When I'm riding in my limo, I won't look out the window.
There's nowhere that I can't go, and there's no one that I don't know."
- Barenaked Ladies, "Celebrity"

I never saw myself as the type of person to be enthralled with meeting celebrities. Even when I moved to Hollywood, I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t get caught up in “star stalking.” Hell, they’re just normal people, right? I mean, sure there’s a certain neatness to being able to tell your friends that you passed (insert random famous person here) on the street, I guess, but it’s not something to get worked up over. Now getting up on stage and a guitar solo alongside Kirk Hammett...that’s cool. Talking about your favorite movie endings over breakfast with Johnny Depp...that’s very cool. But to just see somebody that you could have just as easily seen on your television? I never thought of that as the end all/be all of life’s happenings.


Hey, wait, is that...is that the guy from that movie? Sweet!

And yet, when it came Oscar Night guess who was standing 50 feet from the Red Carpet entrance, using the zoom lens on his camera for all of its might...



Though we didn't get as many glimpses from as close as we wanted to (or as many pictures as my low-pixel camera should have), it was still neat to see the whole spectacle happen. Howling fans, paparazzi climbing trees to get better views, giant gold Oscar statues. Awesome.

So no more messing around with these "almost famous" or "kind of known" bastards. It's time for the real deal. Adding to the list of fame-ridden faces are:

• Brad Pitt
• Angelina Jolie
• Diane Lane
• Meryl Streep
• Josh Brolin
• Anne Hathaway
• Anthony Hopkins
• Mickey Rourke
• Cate Blanchett
• Emile Hirsch

A lot of limousines passed by with the tinted windows rolled up, so we may have been a few yards away from the likes of Robert Downey Jr. and Halle Berry without realizing it, but so be it. Most of the people in the list above at least had the decency to roll down the window and wave; even Meryl Streep! And she's been to like 30 of these things. I applaud them all a great deal for that decency.


Anne "motherf'ing" Hathaway


Hannibal "motherf'ing" Lector.

The night would have been much better had I been nominated for my breathtaking role in "Guy Sits On Couch and Types Stuff," but whatever. There's always next year.


This Entry In Song:
Alien Ant Farm - "Movies"
Foo Fighters - "Stacked Actors"

Be Back Soon,
Shaky Jake

I've Made a Dent: An Epiphony List Update.

"I ain't done here enough...but at least I'm feelin' better. What the hell, it's a good start."
- Hank Williams Jr., "It's a Start"

Back when I first had the idea to start this little online journal, one of the main reasons I had in mind to bear its existence was to not only provide insights into my year in California (while simultaneously making jokes about the non-famous people I meet along the way) was to chronicle me completing goals that I set for myself. Out of this came what I called an "Epiphany List"--essentially The Bucket List, but with a much younger version of Morgan Freeman and less dying.

Since I first wrote that list of 20 goals, the only one that I've been able to cross off was "Start a Blog." But now, finally, I'm proud to say that there is not just one, but TWO items that can be digitally scratched off that list.

• Fully watch the sunrise/set.
• Take the girlfriend on a romantic beach picnic.

Two birds with one stone on these. For Valentine's Day I took "the little lovely" to the Santa Monica beach just before sunset with a basket full of strawberries, sushi, and individual salads (that came packaged with their own plastic forks!). We also would have knocked out "having an alcoholic beverage on the beach" if somebody (me) hadn't forgotten something very important (corkscrew) at a certain place (the drawer at home). Oh well. Another time.

Unfortunately, February isn't the optimal time to lay on the sand after the sun has dropped, especially not in bare feet. It was an abrupt end to the day, but it was a beautiful Valentine's Day and an honest achievement nonetheless.


This Entry In Song:
Foo Fighters - "February Stars"
Zebrahead - "Just the Tip"

Be Back Soon,
Shaky Jake

What's That On My Sleeve? Oh, Right, It's My Heart.

"When I wake up you look so pretty sleeping next to me.
But there is not enough time. And there is no song I could sing.
And there is no combination of words I could say,
but I will still tell you one thing. We're better together."
- Jack Johnson, "Better Together"

Today, I will be writing about the most important part of my life. Her. If you easily give in to the weepies upon seeing overly sentimental schmaltz, grab a box of tissues. If you’re easily disgusted by seeing the words “love” and “heart” written repeatedly and without irony, click on another blog.

First: who is “her?” Well, “she” would be the apple of my eye--that is if I liked apples more than the normal amount. She’s more like the caramel apple of my eye when I stop to consider it. Or perhaps the peach ice cream of my eye? She’s the Chicken Parmesan of my being...

The truth is, without her, I wouldn’t be the same person that’s writing this journal entry. And I suspect that would be for the worse. I’m sure I would be the same hopeless romantic and soul bleeder that I am today, but I doubt that anyone else would know that. Without her, I would still be hiding entirely behind a shield of jokes and jocularities–instead of doing it only some of the time. She opened up a more sincere part of me. She’s the reason I wrote my first love song. I even sang it...out loud. (Only to her, but a big step for me nonetheless.)

She is the barricade that all of my tears must first pass through, only after determining whether or not they’re the good or bad kind. She takes care of me in a way that isn’t motherly; nor is it the way that a good friend would. It’s something beyond that. She is the bubble wrap that lets my heart keep bouncing back and landing softly.

My days with her will always be better than my days without. My chin will never feel as good as it does than when her head is resting right beneath it. After almost three years with her, it feels strange to be in a room where she isn’t. I find myself missing her after being at work for only a few hours. I know that this most likely makes me the world’s most pathetic boyfriend. And I think I’m okay with that.

She is Emily Leibold. She is the biggest reason I can think of to roll out of bed in the morning. She is the very reason I smile so wide, so frequently. She’s my girlfriend, my best friend, my valentine.

She’s perfect and I hope she knows it.


This Love in Song:
Ben Folds - "The Luckiest"

Happy Valentine’s Day,
Shaky Jake

Spotting the Semi-Famous: Part 2.

"Who are you? Are you famous? Important?"
- Finger Eleven, "Famous"

I saw another B-lister walking the streets of Hollywood Boulevard the other night. As I was crossing the intersection at Hollywood and Highland, I glanced at the portly man with spiky hair walking toward me. His name is Tyler Labine, otherwise known as "Sock," otherwise known as the pudgy, bearded man from that funny show about the devil. He's the co-star of Reaper and I had to look him up on IMDB to even see what his name on the TV show is. I've seen it only a few times, but he's got a memorable look about him.



Certainly no Zach Braff, but at least he's been on television.

On a side note, I also saw Jesus that night. Seriously. Tall guy, heavy beard, straggly hair, burlap sack for a robe. Penchant for getting pictures taken with drunk girls. Had to be Jesus...


Be Back Soon,
Shaky Jake

Fast Fact #4

There are fewer things that can make a person feel more "with the times" than listening to Motley Crue while driving down Sunset Boulevard at night...in 2009.

Motley Crue - "Kickstart My Heart"

Fast Fact #3

Rap music is slowly creeping its way into my playlists. Will this make me feel any less white? Possibly. Will this make me actually BE any less white? Not a chance.

Seasonal Memories.

"I am a new day rising. I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight. I am a little divided... It's times like these you learn to love again. It's times like these, time and time again."
- Foo Fighters, "Times Like These"

You know how certain times of day and certain types of weather make you remember different things? Or make you feel a certain way? For me, sunsets in the summertime always make me think of playing basketball as a kid in my driveway and trying desperately to shoot a 3-pointer.
On the other hand, crisp, sunny mornings in the Spring make me think of sitting in my bedroom--either first learning to play the guitar or playing with my G.I. Joe action figures (quietly, though, so as not to wake my parents in the room across the hall).

But here's a question:
Why do these certain times of day or season bring back those memories?

For instance, right now, I'm sitting INSIDE typing this blog entry as the sun partially makes its way into the bedroom. It's cool outside, sure, but it's not cold. Yet, I don't really know that. I'm inside.

So does it matter that it's a cool, crisp, Spring morning? It shouldn't, right? Especially here in California where there really are no seasons and the only way to determine which one you're in is by the month on the calendar. January, April, August...they all mean sunshine out here. So
why wasn't I thinking about launching plastic missiles with Commander Cobra on a different sunny morning in a different month of the year? I'm not doing anything special to make that memory dawn on me (such as surfing e-Bay for vintage Joe toys, for instance...), so how come it happens now. At this time. During this part of the day. And how come I couldn't imagine this memory creeping up on me in any other type of setting?



This memory fits this moment, and this moment is unique to this season. It's something that I'll never be able to adequately explain...or even understand. Still, whenever a cold chill passes through my body as I stare up at the dark clouds forming in the sky, I'll always think of nights playing baseball against our town's rival team. And when I smell freshly-cut grass mixing with a slight whiff of smoke, I'll think of climbing the monkey bars in my backyard.

Though I don't know why these memories occur to me the way they do--at the times they do--I do know this: I hope they never stop. I'd miss them.


This Entry In Song:
Albert Hammond, Jr. - "In My Room"
Eric Hutchinson - "Back to Where I Was"

Be Back Soon,
Shaky Jake