From IA to LA: The Hillbilly Takes Hollywood: Adaptation Is For Suckers.

"Getting used to it when it's all so new. Getting more of it when none would do."
- Citizen Fish, "Getting Used To It"

Adaptation is the key to the survival of any species. That's about the only thing that science has ever taught me that I can still remember, but it's an important fact nonetheless. If you can't change and grow with your environment, you're bound to end up in a heap of regret and permanent nostalgia. Part of the challenge in moving out to California has been adapting, not so much to the physical landscape (warmer climate, crazier traffic, lots of orange...everywhere) as to the human interaction process.

For instance, in Iowa, if someone were to ask you to try a sample of something--let's say the Bath & Bodyworks store in the mall--and you tried it, you either A) bought that product or B) thanked them for the sample and kept moving. Out here, there seems to be far less of a chance for option B. As a matter of fact, scratch that, THERE IS NO OPTION B. Street vendors selling food, street performers selling CDs, mall kiosks offering lotions; it doesn't matter who it is, if you stop for longer than 3 seconds to answer their question, they take this is as a sign that you need to have their product. And a lot of it. I suppose this all goes along with the idea that "nothing is for free," but it can get tiring figuring out the best way to maneuver around these people. I'm still slightly clinging to my Midwestern manners in that I think altogether ignoring somebody is kind of rude. But boy does it work a lot better than trying to coerce your way out of buying something! A strong "no," an obvious look in the complete opposite direction, even a stiff-arm if need be; you do what you have to do to have your day uninterrupted.

Don't be fooled by the hot pink tights. She'll shake you down, punk.

Contrary to popular belief, a large part of the population out here is actually pretty nice. It's true. Stop gasping. Granted, as with any city, Los Angeles has its share of d-bags, a-wipes, and MF'ers, but those people you deal with by spitting in their hair after you walk past them. (Kidding, mostly.) But really, I've met some very kind, generous people since I moved. And get this, a few of them were even born AND raised in California! Who knew? So there hasn't been much adaptation needed in most social interactions. Key words: much and most.

At bars, however, the atmosphere is less relaxed than I'm used to. To me, going to a bar is a lot like hanging out at a wedding reception: get a few drinks, do a bit of dancing, maybe puke on your own shoes...it just depends on the night. No pressure.

Not so, says NoHo!

People out here don't go to bars to hang out and relax. They go to network and sell themselves. It's annoying, really. "Look guy, I don't want your business card, I just asked what your favorite shot is." I don't want to be on my A-game everytime I step foot into a drinking establishment. In fact, the very reason I go to bars is to be on my C or even D-game. And I've decided that's not going to change this year. I'm just going to have to show these Coasties how we do it in Cornland.

Pictured: Me at my D-game.

Maybe this should be an experiment? Let's see how I survive in California with the least amount of adaptation possible.