Where Has All the Fame Gone?

"When I look at the stars, I see someone else."
- Switchfoot, "Stars"

HOLLYWOOD. Those big block letters sitting on top of a mountain are supposed to mean something to the casual passersby. It's supposed to stand for the giant personalities and outrageous fame contained within its city limits. So then how is it that after I have lived here for 3 months, the list of "famous" people I've encountered reads like one giant list of "huh?"

Let's analyze:

• Dian Bachar
• Kate Flannery
• John Melendez
• Craig Ferguson
• Zachary Levi
• Joshua Gomez
• Lauren Graham
• Magic Johnson

Out of all the names on that list, how many do you recognize? If your answer is anything more than 2, congratulations! You might as well be a genius. Everyone that I've ever told this short list of people to has given nearly the same response: "Huh. Cool." Add a few long seconds of silence and you've got yourself one awkward phone call. To those of you who dont' know these "famous" people I've spotted, I'll guide you along:

Dian Bachar is better known to South Park side-project enthusiasts as "Squeak" from BASEketball or "Choda Boy" from Orgazmo. Kate Flannery is "Meredith," the red-headed drunkard from the American version of The Office. John Melendez is "Stuttering John" to all Howard Stern followers. Craig Ferguson you should all know and love as the host of The Late, Late Show. Zachary Levi and Joshua Gomez are two of the main stars of "Chuck" (the former is the title character). Lauren Graham is the hot mom from Gilmore Girls and also the receiver of Billy Bob Thorton's Santa screwing in Bad Santa. And Magic Johnson is, well...Magic "f-ing" Johnson.

That long-winded explanation should not be necessary for describing the "famous" people I've seen! And that's not even a lot of "famous" people to have seen in 3 month's time! (I'd like to take a moment to apologize for putting the word famous in quotes when I talk about these people. I mean no disregard and love them all in a very non-sexual way.)

Where are all of the damn movie stars and mega-musicians at?

Dave Grohl, Dane Cook, Vince Vaughn...show yourselves!


Be Back Soon,
Shaky Jake