Reminiscing About the Neighborhood Ruckus.

"That knock at the door calls the crowd to quiet.
The neighbors have complained damn near every night."
- The Academy Is..., "Neighbors"

A good night's sleep. Periods of deep reflection. Taking the security guard's phone number off of speed dial. These are the things that are afforded to you when you no longer have noisy neighbors living directly above you. And you don't realize how great those same things are until they're gone.

Months ago, The Running of the Bulls was replaced with The Gentle Whirring of Dishwashers when we accomplished the at-one-time unfathomable: kicking the silence-ophobes who lived above us out of the apartment complex once and for all. And though I was all somersaults and high-fives on that wonderful day of excommunication, I can't help but to occasionally miss the midnight Riverdancing or the 3 AM body slam wake-up calls. Call me crazy.

I also find myself wondering what happened to our alcoholic, heroine-shooting, face-punching friends to the north once they left. Where did they go? Where are they now? Are they still slamming each others heads into de-plastered walls in a cheap motel somewhere? Maybe at this exact moment, an anguished neighbor is banging on their door to stop screaming about "that bitch who doesn't deserve to breathe" who just so happens to be passed out on their patio. The optimist in me likes to think that maybe the majority of them are sitting in a cold jail cell being as loud and rowdy as they want, taking turns taunting the guards who, in turn, take turns beating them senseless with nightsticks. But the more sensible person inside me knows that the most likely scenario is the same as it was 5 months ago, just in a different apartment building that hasn't yet been fed up with their insane shenanigans.

To you calm-haters who once inhabited the space above: thanks for making me ever-more grateful for the peace and quiet that comes with normal, well-behaved neighbors. You taught me many valuable lessons, none more important than to always deal with people--no matter how unreasonable and ignorant--calmly and humanely. And when that doesn't work, call the cops on their noisy asses and report possible domestic abuse and illegal drug sales. It's a lesson I'll carry with me always.

So thank you, former residents of apartment 8-322. You won't be forgotten. (Or forgiven.)


This Entry In Song:
The Academy Is... - "Neighbors"
OK Go - "Oh Lately It's So Quiet"

Be Back Soon,
Shaky Jake