An Open Letter to Eve 6.

"I quit lookin' at the clock. It'll only bring me down and it won't bring you here.
If I pulled out all the stops and a little less of my hair, could I bring you here?"
- Eve 6, "Without You Here"

Dear Eve 6,

Guys. Pals. Slutty gentleman of the pop-punk world. You know why I'm doing this and you know that it's necessary. You've finally finished your too-long hiatus as a band and are now beginning to play some gigs together again. But I noticed that you aren't going to be playing near L.A. What's up with that? Am I not deserved of your terrific rock show? Let me explain to you, in depth, why that's just not true...

Our relationship started out as most of mine do. I heard your song on the radio, I sang along with it, and then danced around my feelings for you for quite awhile. I wasn't sure if I could fully give myself to you as a fan, but was willing to do a casual listen. Nothing too involved, just playing the field and sewing my musical oats. After all, I had other bands in my sights, too. But then I caved and made a mixed CD of your catchiest pop gems and had them drifting around my ears every time I got into my car. You reeled me in and wrapped me up in catchy hooks, creative wordplay, and a rapid-fire delivery. I finally declared my musical love for you by becoming a diehard fan, ready and willing to take a bullet for the band if ever a harsh word was shot in your direction. And what did you do, just as my feelings for you grew to be the strongest they had ever been? You broke it off without so much as a warning of things to come. It was "Think Twice" and then it was quits. No more Eve 6.

I spent years trying to get over you. I stopped listening to you on a regular basis, only putting you in the playlist if I wanted some delusional touch of nostalgia. I met other bands--Anberlin even sought to replace you completely. And now, all of sudden, you're back in my life and back together as a band. You simply can't toy with a man's heart like that. It's not fair.

But I'll be damned if I can't stop thinking of what could have been. What it would have been like if our relationship hadn't been put on hold for those couple of years. Well, I'm tired of wondering. I want to see you again, but I can't have it be in the canned tunes of another one of your albums; it has to be in person. So that I can know if this is for real. I need closure.

The easiest way to settle this would be a concert setting. It might be good to have a lot of other people around to save us from the awkward silences if things didn't quite mesh between us. And let's not make any eye contact, either. Because, to be honest, you seem like kind of a sleazeball. No offense.

Come to Los Angeles. Let's make things right. What do you say?

This Entry In (Your) Song:
Eve 6 - "Without You Here"
Eve 6 - "Anytime"
Eve 6 - "How Much Longer"
Eve 6 - "Sunset Strip Bitch"
Eve 6 - "Promise"
Eve 6 - "Still Here Waiting"


P.S. If you do perform here, please don't play "Here's to the Night." That song is pretty gay.

Be Back Soon,
Shaky Jake